BDSM is not just pain ... bring some pampering into your dynamic

(Original article from https://dominantguide.com/3586/working-some-pampering-into-your-ds-dynamic/)

Mmmm… pampering.

I’m not talking about diapers. Which I have no issue with at all. It’s just that it didn’t occur to me until I was reading back over this that “Pampers” is also a diaper brand in the USA (and maybe elsewhere).
So…that’s another post.

Admittedly, pampering is not usually the first thing that comes to mind when we think about BDSM. Maybe you’ve heard about “worshiping” as in “cock worship”, “foot worship”, “pussy worship”, etc. Pampering can be related. It certainly can be a service activity, which definitely falls soundly into the BDSM category. It’s also a lovely way to play with the energy of ownership, as in “you’re mine, perform for me, I will fill my eyes with your form, I will enjoy you, care for you, adorn you, pamper you, use you, in any way I wish”. Can you feel it now?

For me, there are a few ways pampering can play into my BDSM dynamic. The “ownership” angle is powerful. I love to play with that. It’s not true of course- no one owns anyone else, but when you’ve negotiated the container within which you can play that one out, it can be so juicy. I like to dress them up before we go out, pick out their clothes, rub lotion into the skin, make them preen for me. It’s particularly fun if it makes them a touch (or a lot) nervous. It can be a wonderful way to establish some powerful D/s energy before a scene, a night out or heading to a party.

Making someone stand still, hands on head, maybe blindfolded, while I attend to their flesh, explore their body parts at will, tease, taunt, poke, prod, whatever I feel like doing. Just having someone nude in front of me while I’m clothed can be a very simple, yet potent way to play with the D/s dynamic.

The other way it can be fun to play with pampering, is when someone is self conscious about their body or has a difficult time accepting caring touch and attention. You know the type (maybe you are the type- not me, I have no idea what that’s like), they’re most comfortable in the giving/doing role and being on the receiving end of the same treatment can make them feel a little awkward. Pampering your submissive when this is the case can be potent, edgy and even have a powerful effect on self image and a feeling of being cherished, loved, treasured. It is not unusual to elicit trembling, even crying in this way. Which some of us like, just a lil a bit.

Tread carefully if you’re pushing the edges around poor self image or challenges with receiving. Someone who doesn’t feel beautiful or who hates a particular body part can be deeply affected by praise and attention. Too much, too fast can be an overwhelming experience for someone who isn’t used to it or who’s carrying wounds in this way. As with any kind of play, tune in, handle with care, listen. It’s okay to go slow, take it in increments, build up a tolerance.

In terms of the service aspect, pampering that’s given to you as the Dominant can also play beautifully into a D/s dynamic. Some things you can try are domestic service (chores, cooking for you, bringing you drinks, taking your shoes off when you get home and the like), having them give you a bath, lay your clothes out, feed you, give you a massage, worship your body parts, perform sexual services for you (if that’s part of your relationship) and things like this. Anything that feels like a treat or lavish attention is fair game. Your partner may even have some ideas of their own if they know you well enough. You might let them surprise you. You could plan a whole evening of pampering for one or the other of you, or even both of you, with you in charge of course.

Pampering can fit perfectly within a D/s dynamic if you think of it the right way. As someone who’s into S/m myself, I understand that that’s what most people think of when they think of BDSM, but the reality is that kindness, gentle, slow, caring touch and praise can also be edgy and intimate in its own way. Don’t overlook it when you’re thinking about your time together.